Typically, career choices are made based upon responsibilities, compensation, or prestige where a businessperson makes a change to get a higher salary, more responsibility, or greater prestige. What about the situation, though, where the driver behind a career choice isn’t any of these; where it’s the needs of a child that drive the change? My choice was precisely that.

Trevor was a happy, normal, active baby. He was able to laugh, coo, cry, and do all of the other normal things that his big sister, Briana did at that age. To my wife Patty and me, everything seemed to be just fine. At about age two, we noticed that Trevor was hardly saying any words and was very into his own world with puzzles, coloring, and videos. 

Over the next couple of years, we took him to a speech therapist to help him with his language and also enrolled him in a special-needs preschool. During this time we noticed other peculiar characteristics for a toddler; a strong desire for structure (his preschool teachers called him “Mr. Rigid”), obsessive fixations on various topics, and no real desire to associate with other children. Yet Trevor was very easy in that he would keep himself occupied for hours on end playing by himself and acting out whatever imaginary things he could think of. It was very perplexing to us.

When Trevor was five, we took him to specialists at the Autism Center at the University of Washington who conducted a series of tests to assess speech, cognitive understanding, and relational behaviors. At the end of the assessment, one of the specialists explained that Trevor had Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS), a mild form of autism. This was odd to us because we had associated autism with more severe cases (think about Dustin Hoffman in “Rainman”) where speech was limited to non-existent at all and no real interaction between the child and others. Trevor was able to speak and interact but was about two years behind his peers developmentally. The specialist explained that, while Trevor had many characteristics of “normal” children, he saw the world as if peering through a rolled-up newspaper; he had a narrow focus on the world and was inattentive to things that didn’t interest him or how other people perceived him. To give you an example, think of Jack Nicholson in the movie “As Good as it Gets”. His character, Melvin Udall, was a bright, successful author who was obsessed with cleanliness, kept a very rigid schedule, did not walk on sidewalk cracks, and was generally unaware of how he came off to others. Though he wasn’t labeled as such, Melvin could have had PDD-NOS. 

In some respects, knowing that Trevor had a milder form of autism was a relief in that he could learn to control his behaviors and be a high-functioning adult. In other respects, though, having a milder form of autism put him in a sort of purgatory when it came to other kids. He didn’t fit in a traditional special-needs category yet he was clearly unique when compared to other children. Had Trevor grown up prior to the 90’s, his actions would have been viewed as a behavioral problem and he would have been labeled a difficult child. The truth is Trevor wasn’t a behavioral problem; he’s just wired differently than normal children.

Trevor’s public elementary school was wonderful in working with him; he qualified for special services and was able to get one-on-one assistance with a special education teacher. While we were very appreciative of the attention the public school system gave him through sixth grade, we grew concerned about his transition to middle school. Through a lot of discussion, we decided the best thing for Trevor was to pull him out of mainstream school in seventh grade and take on a more customized home-school approach. Patty and I decided that, for Trevor to have the best opportunity to succeed, we needed to share the teaching responsibilities. I had spent eleven years at Accenture and was in my ninth year at Microsoft and was very happy with my career. At the same time we also realized the importance of giving Trevor the best possible educational experience to secure his leading a normal adult life. We decided it best for me to leave my secure, full-time job at Microsoft to focus on a new career which gave us more flexibility to tend to Trevor. It was at this same time that I had written a book called The Project Management Advisor which was in process of being published. I had also just started a new business with a colleague. The timing seemed perfect to take the plunge and leave Microsoft to build a new career as an author and entrepreneur around ensuring Trevor was given what he needed to secure a normal, happy adult life.

Immediately I saw great benefit in being more available to my family and in Trevor getting used to me being around more often. I still have tremendous peace with my career choices and focusing on Trevor was far more important than any promotions or accolades I could have received at Microsoft or some other traditional job.

I realize that a choice like the one I made may not always be feasible. We’ve been very blessed in having the financial means and opportunities to make this decision. What I can say, though, is this investment in Trevor’s future will yield a return that is far greater than any return I could be getting in a more traditional career and see this as the smartest career choice I’ve ever made.

Read Part 2, 12 years later here.

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com.

Some time back I was responsible for a portfolio of projects being done within the finance organization of my company.  One of the projects was outsourced to a large consulting firm who supplied the project management, analysis, and development resources to the project.  I would hold weekly meetings with the project manager who consistently gave me a "thumbs up" on the project up to the first key milestone being hit.  When the week of the first milestone approached, he announced that the milestone was going to have to slip by a week to ensure successful delivery.  The next week came along and again the project slipped a week.  This went on for two more weeks with the promise of "we'll for sure nail it next week."  I decided to do some crawling around the project to assess where the project was really at.  Turns out we were at least a month away from delivering to the milestone which was already a month late.

Needless to say I was less than thrilled with the consulting firm running the project.   They sent out one of their heavyweight project managers to assess the situation.  After two hours of reviewing the project he reported back to me that the project had slipped, not due to anything his organization had or hadn't done, but because of things we as the client did to cause the problems.  Needless to say I pretty much lost it with him.  I then went through the project plan with him and went through each task and peppered him with questions about why his project manager hadn't managed the execution of the project and why we were continuing to get a 'thumbs up" when in fact the project had slipped horribly.  After my inquisition he said he'd follow up and get back to me.  I'm still waiting.

Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.  Despite how pretty a project schedule looks, how clear the organization chart is, or how well articulated the risks and issues are, the most successful projects execute great to a great plan.  Solid project management execution means driving the plan, making adjustments as necessary to address unforeseen issues (if you are able to run projects that never have issues email me at lonnie@leadingonedge.com; I'd like to spend a day in your world), and removing roadblocks which can inhibit successful completion.  The project manager has to stay steady at the helm making sure these things happen; they won't just happen by themselves. To articulate this a bit more here are three formulas for you to keep in mind:

Planning + Execution = Project Success

Execution - Planning =  Randomized Flailing

Planning - Execution =  Well-Dressed Inertia

Through my experience I've come up with six techniques that can help you as a project manager better ensure project success.  While this isn't an exhaustive list of everything you can do, it does highlight some specific areas which can help keep a project from derailing: 

• Snuff out and squash "shiny objects" - First, let's put shiny objects in context; to me a shiny object isn’t important to the task at hand and isn’t time-sensitive.  If something comes across your desk that can be done later without impact to your work, yet interrupts what you’re doing, then this in my view constitutes a shiny object.  It’s also important to distinguish between shiny objects and the garden-variety fire-drill.  The primary difference to me is a fire drill needs to be done immediately, otherwise there is some material and tangible business consequence; whereas with a shiny object there is no material and tangible business consequence if it doesn’t get done.  This is an important distinguishing factor because many shiny object violators I know view their shiny objects as fire drills and take comfort in responding to fire drills because of the sense of accomplishment they feel in putting out the fire.   Be on the lookout for shiny objects and squash them before your team gets derailed.  
• Watch the "off-workplan" tasks - Recently I worked with a project team that had a pretty decent project plan with dependencies, resources, and timeframes all laid out.  The problem, though, was that the project plan assumed 100% resource focus but only about 60% of the resource focus was dedicated to the project plan.  The other 40% was consumed via to-do lists which the project manager kept in addition to the project plan.  Thus, the project was doomed to a 40% schedule slip right from the get-go because of the to-do list tasks.  As the project manager, you have the responsibility of ensuring that all project-related activity is reflected in your project plan and that you specifically articulate the percentage of time resources are dedicated to tasks. 
• Think realistically aggressive when developing estimates - I've worked with three distinct personality types when it comes to estimating levels of effort.  The first personality type is Ms. Reality.  She looks at a given set of tasks and develops a realistic yet aggressive expectation of what will be required of her to complete the task.  More importantly, she hits her dates with a high degree of reliability.  The second personality type is Mr. Op T. Mystic.  Mr. Op consistently under-estimates tasks and provides a "if all of the stars align" projection on completing tasks.  Tasks quickly get to 90% done then stay there forever.  The third personality type is Mr. Gloom N. Doom.   Mr. Gloom typically provides worst-case estimates and will slather on contingency like barbecue sauce on ribs.   The secret sauce (can you tell I really like ribs?) here is to recognize the personality type you work with and try to snuff out reality with each personality type.  Sure, you'll get some push-back particularly from Mr. Gloom, but unless you apply some aggressive reality to your estimates you're going to have a hard time getting sponsors and higher-ups to view you as a credible project manager.
• Hold weekly status meetings -  I am a big fan of weekly status meetings and weekly status reports, particularly on high-visibility  projects.  In fact, I have become a strong proponent of creating my project status report (see my status report template at the bottom of this article) right in my status meeting.   Key to this is focusing on project plan tasks, milestones, risks and issues during the status meeting.  I've been through way too many status meetings where the focus was on each team member talking about accomplishments and effort versus results.  Now, it's nice that all of the team members are working so hard, but when everyone starts patting themselves on the back for how many hours are being worked at the expense of managing to schedule, you've got a sick project on your hands.   Keep the status meetings focused on schedule, risks and issues and keep them very regular.  Don't let weeks go by without doing them unless you're willing to play Russian Roulette with your schedule.
• Expose the violators - So okay, before I have every HR manager ready to shoot me let me explain what I mean.  In status meetings, I think it is completely within bounds for a project manager to expect project team members who don't deliver on their commitments to explain to the project team why they aren't pulling their weight.  Too many times I've seen project managers shield slacker project team members or not force them to explain their actions (or inaction as the case may be).  What each member of the project team needs to recognize is when he or she doesn't perform it isn't just the project manager that is being let down; it is the entire team.  When each project team member feels accountable to the rest of the team for delivery and directly feels as if he or she is letting the rest of the team down he or she is more likely to perform and meet dates.  This can be very effective in getting teams to perform, just make sure it is done with respect.  It's about getting teams to perform, not about skewering someone's dignity.
• Use the 1/1/1 rule when planning tasks - Great execution starts with great planning.  Sure, we've all seen acts of heroism where a project team worked 90 hours a week to get a poorly conceived and planned project done on time.  However, no one likes to work in that mode.  Projects that are well planned are more likely to be delivered on time, per customer expectation, and within budget, period.  A key component of good planning is using what I call the "1/1/1" rule in work breakdown structure decomposition which stands for "one deliverable, one person, one week."  Driving to this level of detail in a project plan ensures  there is no ambiguity on who is responsible for the task and what the deliverable associated with the task needs to be.  Also, by using a one week duration you better ensure the task will be completed within one weekly status reporting cycle.  Most importantly, you'll minimize surprises of a "90% complete" taking forever for the last 10% to be complete. 

Excellent planning coupled with strong execution is crucial to ensuring the success of any project.  Subtract planning or execution from a project, and you either get the randomized flailing of a project out of control, or the well-dressed inertia of a good-looking project going nowhere.

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com.

In December 2015 our son Trevor, who was diagnosed with autism at age 5, graduated from Arizona State University with a degree in Film and Media Studies.  Despite the challenges and all of the change Trevor endured in his college experience, he graduated with a 3.5 GPA with very little assistance.  He also experienced living by himself, living with nice and not-so-nice roommates, internships, and a summer job as a photographer at a boys camp in North Carolina.  He gained a tremendous amount of life experience and learned a ton about himself as a person.  His graduation in December put an exclamation point on a very rich college experience.  But college is only one race in the marathon called life; his next race - employment - was yet to start.  <read more>

In 2004, my wife Patty and I decided to team homeschool our autistic son because we knew he would need more help as he entered middle school. I had spent 20 years in corporate America, working for both Accenture and Microsoft, but in the Fall of 2004, I became his part-time math and science teacher, spending the remainder of my time doing business consulting and writing books.

Up to that time I always had either a client or office to go to. With the change to homeschool teacher/author/consultant, I now had no place to go each day. My office was either our playroom where we homeschooled, our home office, or local coffee shops. It was definitely an adjustment and I learned a lot about how to be effective without going to a workplace. Now I can’t imagine it any other way.
In 2020, millions of people were quickly forced into working from home. When I started working from home sixteen years earlier, I had the benefit of preparing for my new life—a stark difference from those who suddenly found themselves in work-from-home mode with little warning or preparation. Some aspects of 2020 versus 2004 were easier and others harder, for example, the collaboration tools available in 2020 were simply non-existent in 2004. But the bottom line is the changes were massive and required significant adjustments.

In my 16 years of not having an office I experienced a lot of bumps and bruises to get into an effective work/life rhythm. Key to my learnings was the need to enforce greater self-discipline about:

• what I do,
• how I manage my time,
• what and when I eat,
• how much I sleep,
• when and how I exercise,
• how I “turn off work,”
• and how I interact with others.
  

It’s those bumps and bruises that I want to help others avoid in shifting to a sustainable work-from-home lifestyle, which I have boiled down into five lessons:

1. Master the online experience – For Pete’s sake, if Zoom, Microsoft Teams, or other online meeting tools are an integral part of your business, take the time to truly understand them and ensure the hardware you’re using creates the most positive experience for others attending your meetings. Not knowing how to do things like share your screen, give others control to share their screen, or use an electronic whiteboard is akin to meeting a business associate face to face at a coffee shop with blaring music and no chairs or tables. When you fumble with the tools you send a clear message to your recipient that he or she isn’t important enough for you to create an outstanding online experience. Just as important, struggling with online meeting tools conveys that you are slow to adapt to changes.
2. Plan to “Done” not “Do” – Each Monday morning I go through my to-do list and decide what I plan to have done by the end of the week. I then plan time in my calendar throughout the week to work on each to-do, then I schedule a Friday 5 p.m. meeting summarizing what I have committed to getting done that week. Key to this is expressing your to-do list in terms of a deliverable, or “done,” not in terms of an activity, or “do.” If you think only in terms of activity, you’re more likely to measure success in terms of how long you spend doing something versus what you actually got done.
3. Put everything in your calendar – In my article "I Can’t Keep Up!" Six Principles for Using Your Calendar to Get More Done, I talk about how to use your calendar not just as a work thing but as a life thing. This is particularly important when you work from home because work start/stop events like commuting to and from work are no longer there. With those barriers gone, it’s much easier to be less respectful of your own time. I’ve had to learn that working from home doesn’t mean I can work anytime; it means I had to be much more disciplined about when I would and wouldn’t work.
4. Set clear expectations with loved ones – Working from home doesn’t necessarily mean you’re always accessible. Having very clear expectations about when you will and won’t be working is crucial to your overall effectiveness. Patty and I send meeting notices to each other for social gatherings or other meetings where one of us won’t be available to the other. This works very well for us to keep us aligned and ensure we don’t overcommit ourselves.
5. Make physical and mental health a priority – While there are great conveniences in working from home, it also means you have to be more diligent about tending to your physical and mental health. I never stay in pajamas during the day, I schedule exercise time in my calendar, I eat meals away from my workstation, stick to a regular sleep schedule, and *try to* be disciplined about between-meal snacking. I also weigh myself regularly. This really helps if you want to maintain or lower your weight and if you tend to wear stretchy clothes that don’t remind you if you’ve added an inch to your waistline.
   

For many, working from home may be a long-term if not permanent reality. Consider these five lessons to help you design a sustainable and satisfying work-from-home lifestyle.

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com.

In a recent phone call I told the CEO of my insurance brokerage that after being a loyal customer for 15 years I had moved all my business to other providers. Given our long-standing relationship, I felt I owed him an explanation; not because I wanted to see someone fired, but because I wanted him to know my reasons for leaving so he could put any lessons learned to use.

It started about seven years ago when the person assigned to my business insurance seemed to lose interest in me. He wasn’t on top of my renewals, made me do work that he could have done for me, and didn’t competitively bid my insurance. I moved all of my business insurance to another agency. A similar issue happened in the past year with my personal insurance; I simply didn’t feel that I was important to my agent. The final nail in the coffin came when my bank notified me that my homeowners’ insurance had lapsed two months earlier without any notification from my insurance agent. I then reached out to another agency, who quickly bound coverage for me at 10 p.m. on a Saturday evening.

While the CEO of the original brokerage wasn’t happy that I moved my insurance business elsewhere, he was grateful I took the time to calmly and constructively give him feedback. We ended the call on a very cordial note, and I am confident that if we ever ran into each other at a coffee shop we’d shake hands and exchange regards.

I open with this story because for years I considered him and the agents at his company as trusted advisors. I openly shared my personal and business goals with them and believed they advised with my best interests at heart. But after a time I realized I didn’t feel important to them, and my personal and professional interests were no longer their primary concern. The people who were at one time my trusted advisors now had exactly none of my business.

So what’s a trusted advisor? In my four decades in business I’ve boiled it down to six crucial principles:

1. Intently listens then thoughtfully acts – A trusted advisor takes the time to listen to the client, understand their perspective, and ask clarifying questions before drawing conclusions or providing advice.
2. Never breaches confidences – A trusted advisor needs to provide an environment where the client knows sensitive information will not be discussed with others. Relationships can be irreparably harmed with just one confidence breach.  
3. Advises on what s/he knows, admits what s/he doesn’t know – A trusted advisor is confident in his/her abilities and skillsets, and freely admits when something is outside of his/her expertise area.
4. Always keeps commitments – A trusted advisor always follows through on commitments when and how the client expects.  
5. Is courageously, respectfully candid – A trusted advisor doesn’t need to tell the client what they want to hear; but should courageously and respectfully tell the client what they need to hear. The trusted advisor’s job is to say what s/he thinks; the client’s job is to decide what to do with it.
6. Takes the initiative with the client – A trusted advisor ensures time with the client is purposeful and productive, and resulting actions are followed up. 
   

Being a trusted advisor isn’t something clients (regardless of whether they’re internal or external to your organization) automatically grant; it takes a track record of demonstrating these six principles through actions that elevate someone to trusted advisor status. Following are six crucial lessons I’ve learned about what it takes become and continue as a trusted advisor:

1. The last impression is just as important as the first – Sure, setting a positive first impression is critical to becoming a trusted advisor. However, every impression made thereafter is equally important. A great trusted advisor is consistent in the impressions s/he makes with a client. Whether it’s the first, second or hundredth impression, the trusted advisor is consistent in his/her level of performance and the client comes to expect great service.
2. Treat the client like they are your most important client – If you take someone on as a client it’s your job to make them feel important. The client doesn’t care about other clients you serve and how much or little business they represent. Your job is to provide the agreed-upon services while making the client know their business matters to you.
3. Focus on problems first then sales will follow – When I meet with a new client I ask them to think about the biggest three issues that keep them awake at night. During our meeting I am very up-front about the problems I think I can help with and those that are outside my wheelhouse. My ability to focus on the client’s problems and then determine if/how I can best help sets my foundation as a trusted advisor and secures consulting engagements.
4. Align your urgency to the client’s urgency – In my opening story my new insurance advisor understood the urgency of binding my homeowner’s insurance quickly. He aligned his urgency to mine and got the job done. I’m now a raving fan.
5. Follow up 100 percent of the time – This one’s really easy; if you say you’re going to do something by a specific date, for Pete’s sake do it. If there’s a good reason you can’t keep a commitment by an agreed-upon date, notify them as early as possible. Letting a due date come and go without any notification not only erodes your credibility but could also impact downstream activities that are dependent on your deliverable.
6. Don’t hammer screws – You may have heard the phrase, “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Your job as a trusted advisor is to know what you’re good at and what you’re not, then focus on solving problems you’re best qualified to solve. Overselling your expertise to take on work you’re not qualified to do is akin to trying to hammer screws. You’ve got the wrong tools for the job and can create problems for both yourself and the client when you’re ill-equipped to solve the client’s problem.

Becoming a trusted advisor is something that’s earned through behaviors and actions and can be quickly stripped away if taken for granted. Keep these lessons in mind to help you not just attain trusted advisor status, but keep it.   

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com.

Some time back I was in a meeting with a project manager who presented the status on his troubled project to the project sponsor and other executive stakeholders. This project was of high interest to the sponsor and stakeholders as they were depending on its successful completion to make some major changes in their respective organizations. The project sponsor asked the project manager a very straightforward question:

Why is the project slipping?

The project manager went into a long, meandering monologue. The sponsor interrupted and asked the question again. More meandering from the project manager. Seeing the sponsor and other stakeholders’ growing frustration, the project manager’s boss stepped in and said they needed to do more homework and would come back the next day better prepared. The next day, the project manager’s boss presented the status and answered questions--along with a new project manager.

Through my career I’ve seen (and been in) plenty of situations where an exec’s (who I will refer to as “the asker”) questions were met with evasive responses. It could be that the person being asked (“the askee”) didn’t want to admit not knowing something or be proven wrong. The askee would then, as we liked to say in the consulting world, “tap dance” to attempt any response that might satisfy the asker. More often than not, the asker would grow frustrated with the evasiveness. This led me to the following hypothesis:

If an asker asks a question, the asker expects a direct answer.
When an askee is evasive, the askee leaves it to the asker to make up his/her own answer.
The askee has not only damaged his/her credibility, but now has to change the asker’s perception of the answer.

While my focus is in executive interaction, the same principle applies to other relationships like spouses or business partners. When an askee is evasive, the asker makes up his/her own answer, and the askee now has to dig out of a hole to reestablish credibility and set the record straight.

Need to build your answering skills? Keep the following eight tips in mind:

1. Listen first then answer – Take the time to listen to a question without interrupting the asker, then when the asker is finished, give a response. Resist the urge to interrupt to get your answer in.
2. Do ensure clarity – If you truly don’t understand a question, then by all means ask for clarification. But don’t continually ask for clarity; it could look like you’re deflecting.
3. Give straight answers – If you’re asked a direct yes/no question, give a yes/no response. If there are contextual factors that support the answer or conditions that may change the answer, then provide them--concisely. And please don’t say, “It depends” without qualification.
4. Don’t reframe – Saying something like “The question you should be asking is . . .” immediately conveys that you think the asker isn’t intelligent enough to ask the right questions. Acknowledge the question, respond, and move on.
5. Don’t deflect – Changing the topic to avoid answering a question may work if the asker can be distracted, but usually the asker can sniff out when someone is avoiding a question by changing the topic. Do it once and you’ll probably get some grace for innocently not understanding the question; do it two or more times and you’ll be viewed as an avoider.
6. Don’t attack validity – Saying something like, “That’s not important,” or “You shouldn’t ask that,” tells the asker you believe his or her intelligence is inferior to yours. If the asker is taking the time to ask a question, then assume the question is important to him/her.
7. Say “I don’t know” – If you don’t know the answer to a question then be quick to say “I don’t know, I need to get back to you.” Then record the question and be prepared for a “When will you know?” follow-up from the asker.
8. Be quick to admit if you’re not prepared – Too many “I don’t knows” may mean you have to do more research. It’s best to avoid this by being clear on the topic and prepared to discuss it. One humiliating abrupt ending to a meeting with a “you need to do more homework” directive will motivate you to not let it happen again.

This bears repeating: the consequences of evasive answers not only means the asker makes up his/her own answer, it also harms the askee’s credibility. Give straight answers and control the narrative. 

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com
.

Ahh, social media. Where from the comfort of your living room you can make your point known to millions of people. People and businesses have grown from being virtual unknowns to worldwide phenoms (think “Gangnam Style”) thanks to social media. Then there are those who fell from grace like a lead balloon (think Roseanne Barr, Anthony Weiner, or Paula Deen) because of social media. Both the rises and falls can happen swiftly and without advance warning. Sadly, it doesn’t even have to be true. Fake news travels just as fast as the truth. It just has to be tantalizing. It also doesn’t even have to go viral; a handful of viewers can see something that will alter their opinions of the person posting.

That viewer could be your current or future boss, customer, or business partner.

Before I go any further, I want to be very careful to treat this topic with respect and not take sides on any political, religious, or social issue. My goal is to shine a light on social media and how it could impact your professional livelihood, not to tell you a point of view is right or wrong.

Let’s pretend you are a businessperson who would like me as a customer. You and I have met for coffee several times and we seem to hit it off. You friend me on Facebook, wanting to get to know me better to understand how you could help solve my business problems and earn my trust in a business relationship. After we become connected on social media, I see very passionate posts from you mocking a point of view that I hold and telling people like me that we must be idiots to support such a heinous position. You then say something like, “If you believe in <fill in the blank> then unfriend me now!” As your prospective customer, I am confused by how someone who is so nice face to face (Dr. Jekyll) can be so venomous on social media, even giving an ultimatum (Mr. Hyde). I ultimately decide to not do business with you, not because you hold a particular point of view, but because you berate others who believe something different.  

In looking at the above scenario, there are a few business relationship guiding principles that seem to go out the window with many on social media:

• Not everyone thinks the same way as you.
• Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean the world needs to know about it.
• When your posts are vague or generalized, you leave it up to the reader to decide what you meant, which could be quite different from what you meant to convey.
• You can be denied a job because of questionable social media posts. According to a survey sponsored by The Manifest, 90% of employers look at potential employees’ social media profiles and 79% have rejected a candidate based on what they found.
• If you’re trying to sell an idea or convince people to act a certain way, you shouldn’t do it by telling them what an idiot they are.

I want to illustrate this last point. Imagine walking into a car dealer and the salesperson greets you at the door. You tell him you want to buy a car and he asks you what you’re currently driving. You take him out to your car and he proceeds to tell you how ugly the car is and what a fool you are for driving such a repulsive vehicle. Do you view this person as credible and want to buy a car from him? I’d venture to say not a chance. Yet this is what I see over and over again on social media. People rip other points of view to shreds and berate all who believe in those views, rather than simply extolling the positive benefits of their own view.

When you post on social media, keep the following five takeaways in mind:

1. Assume everyone sees everything – I’ve heard some businesspeople with both business and personal profiles use that as license to be unfiltered on personal profiles and more restrained on business profiles. The problem is the two aren’t always mutually exclusive. There are plenty of people I know in my business life with connections on both our personal and business profiles. What I see posted on their personal profiles influences how I think about them in a professional setting. Sadly, some I admired professionally have had their credibility hurt because of what they say on personal social media profiles.
2. Be clear on what you post and why – Personally, I love posting pictures of places we travel, experiences we have, and meals we eat. We do it largely to let friends know what’s going on with us and for some good harmless fun. We also have a happy hour review website where we post reviews of local restaurant happy hours which we’ve been told help others in the area decide where to go for happy hour. Professionally I post information about our different businesses to engage current and future customers.
3. Knowledge is knowing what to say, wisdom is knowing when (or if) to say it – Just because you have a point of view on something doesn’t mean the world needs to know about it. I know a number of professional people who choose not to discuss their social, political, or religious views on social media. Wise move.
4. Assume it lives forever – Platforms like Instagram have stories that disappear after a set timeframe. That won’t stop someone from taking a screenshot of the post and sharing it somewhere else. Assume anything you post will live forever and could come back to bite you.
5. Resist posting when upset or impaired – There are plenty of examples where someone posted something only to have to apologize later for a “lapse in judgment.” Meanwhile, the post goes viral, then the person tries to delete it in vain after it’s been screenshot and shared over and over again.

No argument that social media is a critical tool for advancing your point of view and building your business and professional platform. Just avoid being an in-person Jekyll and social media Hyde.

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com

Bill was a newly appointed project manager over a mission-critical systems development initiative. Ann, Bill’s boss, trusted Bill to lead the initiative and gave him the latitude he needed to execute without getting in his way. While the two worked well together, they did struggle in one area: decision-making. They had several instances where Ann was surprised by key decisions Bill made but didn’t inform Ann. Bill also didn’t benefit from Ann’s experience on several issues and made uninformed decisions that hurt the project. Ann asked Bill to include her more on decisions, but Bill took that as him needing to come to her on decisions he could have made on his own. Bill grew frustrated with his perception of Ann micromanaging him, whereas Ann just wanted to ensure she was in the loop on key decisions. The project ultimately got done, but not without a lot of friction between the two.

Friction that could have been avoided.

Key to a leader who empowers followers is the ability for the follower to make decisions without always having to ask the leader for permission. When done well, the follower is able to execute more nimbly and with greater ownership. When done not so well (as the case above), both the leader and follower are likely to be frustrated by missteps, poor communication, and potentially damaging decisions that were made without enough information. I’ve learned through doing this wrong so many times that there are four degrees of decision-making where the leader and follower agree as to the amount of guidance and input provided in decision-making. The degrees, or what I like to refer as guard rails, are as follows:

• Get Approval – The follower presents the decision with supporting rationale to the leader. The follower asks the leader to decide. Leader is the decider; follower is the informer. Example: A follower must ask permission to hire an employee.
• Seek Advice – The follower presents the decision with supporting rationale to the leader. The follower asks the leader for advice. Follower is the decider; leader is the advisor. Example: A follower must seek advice before promoting an employee.
• Inform only – The follower presents only the resulting decision (minus supporting rationale) to the leader. The follower informs the leader. Follower is the decider; leader is the receiver. Example: A follower should inform the leader when taking a day off work.
• Don’t inform – The follower makes and executes the decision without escalating to the leader. Follower is the decider; leader is not informed. Example: A follower acts without informing the leader when taking time off during a workday for a personal appointment.

By creating four distinct decision-making categories, it acknowledges not just the extremes (get approval and don’t inform), but also acknowledges there are some decisions where a leader should provide input into a follower’s decision (seek advice) as well as those decisions where the leader should be kept in loop on the decision (inform only). By slotting types of decisions into these four categories, both the leader and follower are better aligned on the decisions being made and the degree of involvement the leader should have in the decision.

In defining decisions under each guard rail, it’s important to keep a couple of things top of mind:

• Don’t try to define every possible decision the follower can make. Focus on those decisions that are material in nature and help to set a theme for the types of decisions the follower addresses in his/her normal course of work
• Great empowering leaders don’t apply a one-size-fits-all decision-making approach to followers. Factors such as follower experience level and degree of subject matter expertise influence the guard rail category for different types of decisions. As example, a follower newly promoted to a leadership role may have some decisions that fall into the seek advice category where a more experienced follower would have those same decisions in the inform only category.

To successfully implement guard rails, leaders need to do the following:

• Categorize typical decisions into guard rails for his/her job – To set an example for followers, the leader should go through his/her decisions and slot them into the guard rail categories. By doing so it not only establishes an example that followers can use, but also highlights potential decision-making conflicts a leader might have with his/her boss.
• Empower the follower to define the guard-rail decisions – A great step to establish trust with a follower is to ask the follower to define the types of decisions that fall in each of the four guard rail categories. The leader then works with the follower on adjustments until agreement is achieved.
• Adjust guard rails with capability changes - Revisit the guard rail decisions in each category periodically to make adjustments as the follower’s experience level and subject matter expertise level changes.

Take the time up front to get clarity on decision-making expectations using guard rails. It will help reduce friction between the leader and follower and promote a more healthy empowering relationship.

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com.

This is part two of How an Autistic Child has Changed a Career…For the Better

In 2006 I wrote of Patty’s and my decision to homeschool our son Trevor to help provide a learning environment more conducive with his autism. It’s now twelve years later and time to write about how things worked out.

Trevor started seventh grade with a customized schooling plan. Patty focused on arts and language and I focused on math and science. He also attended a homeschool-assisted school which provided English and math classes and attended a science class at the middle school he would have normally attended. The curriculum plan was designed by Patty and me along with Trevor’s school counselor. It was a hybrid of homeschooling and traditional schooling which we felt gave Trevor the best likelihood of success. Trevor’s counselor was completely awesome in working with us and putting Trevor’s well-being first. The blended teaching worked very well in seventh grade, but we also noticed that Trevor wasn’t getting enough peer socialization. In eighth grade we decided to start the process of mainstreaming him back into the public-school system. Patty continued focus on arts and language and math and science topics were now being provided by Trevor’s middle school. I like to joke that I was fired as a homeschool teacher and that my wife and son did the firing. In reality the mainstreaming was the right answer because it allowed him to get needed socialization through spending more time at school while also giving him some additional 1:1 focus through homeschooling. In ninth grade we felt Trevor was ready to be fully mainstreamed into the public-school system. While we packed up our homeschool materials, our involvement with Trevor’s schooling and socialization growth was still strong.

Ninth through 12th grade brought some high points but also brought a lot of struggle. Trevor was bullied and made fun of by many other students who took advantage of his autism. He had difficulty telling the difference between kids mocking him versus being a friend. Because he was behind his peers in his social interaction skills, he would say and do things that weren’t appropriate. He did have a few close friends who were genuine in their friendship, some of which he is still friends with today. One bright spot through high school was Trevor’s involvement in drama club. He participated in many performances both on stage and behind the scenes. The drama club was his “clique”, and while some in the club took advantage of Trevor’s autism, many accepted and looked out for him.

Trevor graduated from high school in 2011 with plans to go to college. Feeling that the jump from high school to a large university would be too drastic for him, he attended a local junior college for two years while living at home. He had developed a love for movies and photography, so he decided to major in film studies with an emphasis in photography. These two years were foundational for Trevor’s growth in that he continued to progress academically while also allowing him to work on socialization and adaptation skills. In his sophomore year he decided he wanted to transfer to a four-year university majoring in film and media studies. His decision on where to go was an outstanding example of decision making through empirical data analysis and pros/cons articulation. He developed a visibility board with a number of decision criteria including offering of major, closeness of family, and church offerings. He narrowed his choice down to two colleges, Central Washington University and Arizona State University, both of which meant he would be living away from home. He ultimately decided on Arizona State, comfortable through his analysis that this was the best option. It was also during this time that Trevor wrote about his experiences growing up with autism in Six-Word Lessons on Growing Up Autistic.

In August 2013 we took Trevor to the ASU Tempe campus, helped him set up his dorm room, and left him to start his junior year of college. While it was a bit unnerving being a thousand miles away from him, we had peace in knowing there were a number of family members in the area including Trevor’s big sister Briana who was now a nurse in nearby Scottsdale. His last two years of school were those of tremendous growth. He had to figure out a lot of things on his own, make new friends, and be responsible for his own studies. Fortunately, he plugged into a church group that was walking distance from ASU. He fit in like a glove and the church group was a high point of his time at ASU. He got to experience living and dealing with roommates, most of which he felt were too immature for him. We got several problem calls when he lost his wallet, had computer problems, or was having difficulty coping with some situations. He graduated from ASU in December 2015 Cum Laude with a degree in Film & Media Studies.

His post-college life was filled with a lot of anxiety. Now he was out of school and it was time to support himself. He didn’t have a job upon graduation, so Patty and I decided to hire him into our company as our Media Director. He was employed by us for 17 months where we got to help him build good work habits. We instituted a monthly review process called “dones” where at the beginning of the month he would lay out what he would have done by the end of the month, which we would then review at the beginning of the next month. It was an outstanding process in that all three of us were aligned as to what he needed to do, and he was held accountable for getting things done. In July 2017 Trevor was hired by Northwest Center where he splits his time between facilities management and marketing. His marketing assignments have been fruitful, including being interviewed by two local TV news stations.

Today Trevor is 26. He lives on his own in a condo we purchased for him along with two other tenants on the autism spectrum. He pays rent, he manages his own money, he is as self sufficient as any 26-year-old. He’s still got some challenges that he’ll continue to have for the rest of his life. He’ll always need someone else to help coach him through situations. It was a lot of hard work on all our parts, but Patty and I are excited about his future and are grateful that we were in a position to help Trevor.

Lonnie Pacelli along with his wife Patty created the Six-Word Lessons series. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Project Managers, Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster, and Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids.  See more at lonniepacelli.com.