 I am reminded of a young boy named Komake as I sit on my front deck watching the palm trees sway. He was born on Oahu so his folks gave him a Hawaiian name. We met in Washington but Komake was part of the aina (the land) of where he was born. Beautiful mountains, valleys and sea cliffs surrounded by the ocean. He was a sweet little boy with a brain tumor. I met him by chance one day when I was at Children’s Hospital. He had a swollen little face that looked as if the cause was some type of medication. And, he was in a wheelchair. He looked very much younger than his true age. I was there to see someone else but he caught my attention because he was alone in the hallway looking distressed. I stopped to see if I could help. He told me that his roommate had been mean to him. Because of his age, Komake was 10 years old at the time, he was on a floor that was not cancer specific. His roommate was 15 or 16 and was there for knee surgery. Completely different realms, right? Well, the self-absorbed teenager was playing his music very loudly and Komake asked if he could turn it down because it was hurting his head. The teenager started yelling and cursing at the poor little guy. It turns out that this little boy was very religious and was not accustomed to such language. Komake’s family lived about 65 miles away from Children’s and were not there at this time. He had two younger sisters at home with mom so she had to divide her time and attention. After hearing his story, I told Komake to wait and I would go ask the nurse if he could change rooms. I went to nurses’ station and waited and waited to no avail. I walked the length of the hallway and saw several rooms that had open beds. I went with Komake to gather what little he had and moved him. Once he was comfortable, I went back to the nurses’ station and waited some more. Finally, a nurse came and I told her that Komake was now in a different room and why. She was very understanding. I expected a big lecture but she was supportive. We became friends and even when it was time for Komake to go home I went to visit. The doctors’ said they could not help him any longer. He and I talked about that several times. He didn’t want to upset his mother with the truth of what was happening to his body, so I encouraged him to talk to me about his feelings, fears, etc. The week he died, he asked me to help his mom and sisters. I readily agreed and we were there for the funeral. A month or so later, I was able to let his mother know that he had protected her up until the end. We cried together and I told her that her grief was healthy. I mean, she rolled with it and didn’t try to ignore how she was feeling. She encouraged her daughters to do the same. After a time, Komake’s mom told me that she was going to apply for several state government jobs. She had been out of the workforce for a number of years. Luckily, we were the same size and I had changed professions and was no longer in need of suits and professional clothes. I am happy to say, Komake’s mom got the job. Fairly soon after, we moved to NC so my husband could attend graduate school. We lost contact. I was left to wonder. For years I have thought of that sweet little boy and hoped his family fared well after his death. Just a few days ago I received an email from his mom telling me that they are doing fabulously. Komake has a namesake nephew. It made my heart sing to learn that they not just survived but continue to thrive. Komake is their guiding light. There is such a thing as good grief. Be well, Shirley  Shirley Enebrad is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist with 25 years of experience. For her many years of work with pediatric cancer patients and those grieving the loss of a loved one, she received the Jefferson Award for Outstanding Public Service and the Angel of Hospice Award. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief and Six-Word Lessons for Surviving a Devastating Diagnosis.
0 Comments
 Recently I have spoken at two different elementary schools in the East side of Seattle on the topic of autism. The talk relates various Disney movies to what it’s like to live on the autism spectrum. I covered all the latest releases that today’s generation of kids most relate to: Tangled, Wreck-It Ralph, Frozen, Big Hero 6, Zootopia, and Moana. My feedback on each talk was greatly positive, both from the staff and from the K-5 kids. I currently have a third talk booked for October, with a trailer to provide more information about future talks at other schools. So why am I sharing all this with you? Because I want to explain how I took what for my whole life seemed like a drawback, and turned it around into an advantage to benefit other kids. In my younger days, it was much easier for me to understand movies and TV shows than other people. In second and third grade, I never even attempted to make friends. The invitees to my birthday parties in those years were just all the boys in my class. I made more of an effort to make friends in fourth grade and onwards, but even so, I cared more about watching SpongeBob Squarepants every single weeknight at 7:30 than I did in staying for my sister’s talent show performance. I could not relate to others unless the subject was some TV show, movie, or Pokémon. Especially in my high school years, this sort of mental isolation was a tremendous drawback in sustaining healthy friendships. But now that I’m older, I realize something: I already know a lot about movies and TV, and have an apparently deeper understanding of it than my peers, so it only felt natural to utilize my obsession to help other kids understand what autism is all about- using something they already understand. There was never any sort of talk or program as I was growing up designed to teach kids about autism, so it makes me happy to see further action being taken now in our world of social media. Especially with what some television programs are doing to raise autism awareness, such as Sesame Street, it’s amazing how much progress we’ve made in the last thirty years in terms of opening opportunities for those on the spectrum. I want to leave this world with more action taken to normalize autism and other mental disorders, showing the next generation that you can be a little different but still belong. Please check out my trailer and consider passing my name on to any elementary schools that want to teach their students more about the autism spectrum.  Trevor Pacelli was diagnosed with autism at age 5. He is a graduate of Arizona State University in Film & Media Studies, writes movie reviews, and is an avid photographer. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Growing Up Autistic.
 They told my mom she was overreacting and that I was a bad, spoiled kid even as an infant. Doctors, family and friends said my poor behavior was her fault. So we struggled. I fought to comprehend a world that was painfully loud, busy, bright and unpredictable; one that failed to follow through on even the simplest of promises, communicated in foreign customs with a frequency that my literal, logical aspie mind just could not understand. And despite my best attempts at reason and efforts to please everyone in my midst, I was nearly always deemed wrong, a brat, an annoyance and a dim-wit of sorts by family, peers, teachers and doctors. My family attempted to understand the rigid, withdrawn, seemingly aloof alien in their household who threw fits when schedules were altered, avoided physical affection and spoke in monotone cadence even as a toddler when speech first acquired. Despite a daunting two-year stay in an institution during my preteen years where my passion for running was born, high school graduation was achieved followed by a college degree, a career in education and service in our United States Peace Corps. After three decades I learned that such a thing as autism exists and nearly a decade later I received my unequivocal aspie diagnosis.Today, roughly eight years enlightened, I bear no bitterness and am truly grateful for the gifts I possess, experiences gained, knowledge acquired, achievements made. Nevertheless, the difficulties endured and scars that remain from so many misunderstandings and so much lack of insight, I would never wish upon any individual or their family unit. On March 17, 2015 I published my first book, Six-Word Lessons on Female Asperger Syndrome: 100 Lessons to Understand and Support Girls and Women with Asperger's. The book is short enough to read in a day, while full of valuable information for males and females, old and young, parents, professionals, families and anyone willing to learn, Aspies and neurotypicals alike. Thank you for reading my story and for supporting efforts to help bridge the gap between autism awareness and a better understanding of Autism Spectrum Disorder including signs and symptoms specific to the female expression.  Tracey Cohen, a lifelong competitive runner, freelance writer, and Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at the age of thirty-nine. Sharing her own struggles and discoveries, she aims to empower others to learn, accept and find peace in an ever complicated neurotypical world. She is the author or Six-Word Lessons on Female Asperger Syndrome and Six-Word Lessons on the Sport of Running.
 Once I had written and published my second book several people I know confided in me they too would love to write a book. Part me suspected they were really thinking, “If he can write a book then surely I can too!” Soon I found myself giving the same answers over an over to questions like, “How long did it take? How did you do it? How did you get it published?” I decided to form a private Facebook group called Aspiring Authors. It has been reported that 81 percent of people want to write a book and yet only one percent actually do. I saw this play out in real time with the Aspiring Authors. The first day I posted about it on Facebook over 25 people joined. There was A LOT of enthusiasm. As the weeks went by the excitement gave way to the reality that writing a book is hard work and takes commitment. I can say honestly for me, writing a book was the third hardest thing I’ve done in my life and it also is among my most proud accomplishments. It’s right behind my first IRONMAN Triathlon and opening my own retail running specialty store. I’ve also come to realize that writing a book is a metaphor for succeeding at anything in life one wants to accomplish. Why? It takes Commitment, Consistency, Clarity, Community, and overcoming Challenge. Writing a book, organizing your thoughts, creating sentences and paragraphs that paint a picture and convey a point of view is difficult. Very difficult. Any worthwhile achievement is. It’s never going to be perfect the first time out and is going to require reviews and rewrites. Thomas Edison is quoted as saying, “I’ve not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Writing a book in many ways is simply about determination and NOT giving up! I love listening to podcasts and I’ve heard many best-selling authors discuss in great detail how they struggle in their writing. One way they get through this is to be consistent. They set aside time each day and commit to writing for a set period of time; even if what they write that day is total crap. If several New York Times Best-Selling authors struggle, you can bet the rest of us are going to struggle too. Think for a minute about your life, the great parts and the parts you’d like to improve. I am willing to bet, good or bad, your life is a reflection of what you do on a consistent basis. Consistency is the key! Achieving goals requires a clarity of vision; focus. Completing a book absolutely requires one to, “Have an eye on the prize” as the saying goes. It’s incredibly powerful and necessary to have a strong burning desire of completion. Just when you think you are finished you get the “edit” back and you don’t know whether to scream, cry, pull your hair out or simply throw in the towel. You have to hang on to your WHY, to your vision. Community is critical in accomplishing goals. Very rarely, despite appearances, is something accomplished completely independently of others. There are always people behind the scenes who play important roles. I was very fortunate to have many friends who read drafts offering feedback and encouragement along the way. My friends Rose and Dave improved my second book a thousand times over, thanks to Rose’s editing and Dave’s magical creation of my cover. I firmly believe I would not be an author if a friend had not recommended that I meet with Patty of Pacelli Publishing. While I certainly did a lot of the heavy lifting, my books were completed with the help of many people. Every great accomplishment comes with an equal challenge to overcome. Just like most challenges in life, many of the obstacles are mental. “Who I am to write a book? Why would anyone be interested in reading what I have to say? Am I even capable of this task?” These are just a few of the self-doubts and negative thoughts that pummel one’s mind. Here’s the great news: making it through such a monumental task of writing a book will impact your life in ways you cannot imagine. Overcoming the challenges that come up when writing a book make you a stronger person and elevate what you are now capable of. In many ways, writing a book very much left me with the same feeling when I crossed the finish line of my first IRONMAN and lost 15 pounds from exercising for thirteen hours forty-one minutes and nine seconds in 103-degree heat. If I can do that, what else am I capable of?  Lance Carter is a triathlon coach as well as a nine-time IRONMAN® triathlon participant who has been training and racing since 1993. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Successful Triathletes. See more at lancecartercoaching.com.
 It is well known by all in my circles that I am a fan of correct grammar and punctuation. Quite frankly, I think it makes the world a better place. I find it comforting and pleasant to read advertisements, blogs, and articles that are clean and free from the unintentional clutter of the misplaced or misused squiggles and dashes that help us navigate written communication. One of the most abused punctuation marks has to be the apostrophe. Oh, that this comma held aloft would be given the attention it deserves instead of being relegated to such a menial task as making a word plural. This it never does! I repeat, this it never does. The noble apostrophe has only 2 valid reasons for existence: contraction and possession. A contraction is the joining of 2 words into a smaller word. will + not = won’t Possession indicates that something belongs to someone. This is my brother’s house. When something is owned by more than one person, the apostrophe is placed after the plural word. If I have 2 brothers and they share a house, the sentence becomes This is my brothers’ house. An apostrophe isn’t meant to decorate last names or to make a word plural. The Smiths (simply a name by which our family is identified) vs Welcome to the Smiths’ (the home that belongs to all of us with that last name ) Wednesdays (something happening on more than one Wednesday) vs Wednesday’s (something belongs to Wednesday, like Wednesday’s paycheck) May we all join in a commitment to set the English-speaking world aright by striving to correctly place the tiniest of marks, which, in turn, will bind us together in harmony, leaving a legacy of clear and correct punctuation for the grateful generations that will follow. This is my fervent desire.  Former high school French and English teacher Jenni Butz facilitates and educates as MC or keynote speaker for groups of dozens or hundreds. Jenni employs her dynamic energy and honed communication skills as a speaker at retreats and corporate training events, helping individuals practice good communication for better understanding. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Effective Communication. See more at Wordspark.com
 The best definition of the role of CEO was written in 1966 by the legendary management guru Peter Drucker in his book The Effective Executive. I used this book to guide my own tenure as a CEO for more than two decades and handed this book out to my management team, many of whom have gone on to be successful CEO’s. My Leadership Journey In my 20’s I was burning the candle at both ends— running a business, an Alaskan government leader and trying to change the world. A mentor gave me Drucker’s book. The message to focus on be effectiveness not on being more efficient resonated with me as I had concluded there were not enough hours in the day and I could see burnout in the morning mirror. Over the decades I kept coming back to the the lessons Drucker had enumerated from his study of Executives. The Most Effective Habits of Executives “The Effective Executive” focuses on managing oneself for effectiveness. Getting “the right things done..” is the mission of the executive. Drucker observed and studied executives in action and enumerated the most effective shared habits:
The overworked and frustrated executive will find direction and solutions in the 174 pages of "The Effective Executive: The Definitive Guide to Getting the Right Things Done", Peter F. Drucker, 1966.  Terry Gardiner is the founder of the Best Practices Wiki, a free public repository of best practices for small businesses and nonprofits. He has four decades of hands-on leadership, management and organizational growth experience in business, government and nonprofits. He is the author of Six-Word Lessons to Build Effective Leaders.
 Originally published in Michigan Runner Magazine, July/August 2015. We met in 1983, Northville, an hour (pre-Interstate 696) by car, a lifetime for my preteen self, removed from the only home I'd ever known, in Oak Park, Michigan. Institutionalized at age 12 in a psychiatric unit for what proved a neurological disorder, I likely would have lost my marbles if not for the rare intuitive compassion of one staff person among the many providing 24/7 supervision under lock and key. Our rendezvous were brief and sporadic but how I cherished our time away from the noisy, chaotic, unfamiliar masses, a catastrophic environment for any person on the autistic spectrum. Simple and silent, one foot in front of the other, my newfound friend provided pure bliss no matter the burning in my lungs those very first outings. Eventually released, Asperger syndrome still undetected, my running passion accompanied me and has never left my side. Though it was nearly 20 years before I knew such a syndrome existed and even more before I was diagnosed, running became my "better half" and "in" to improved understanding and functioning in a social world requiring skills left out of my innate makeup. After cross country and track in high school, my running flourished during my collegiate years and beyond as I became a familiar-if-quirky face within the running and racing community. Though it would have been easier and more comfortable to keep my running private and solitary, my passion for it and desire to connect with family, friends and people from all walks of life continues to fuel my efforts no matter how often I fall. Like running endurance, my tolerance for social interaction has improved, though we all know despite our dedicated training, some days our legs are dead, wind is null and speed seems a thing of the past. My early years at the races could best be defined as parallel play. I ran hard and was grateful and challenged enough just to be in the presence of others, sometimes going as far as to exchange a friendly nod or spoken greeting. Exhaustion and fear of the unintentional snafu always follows, but slowly and surely I have been blessed with the kindness and friendship of many willing to overlook my blunders and accept my limitations even if perplexed and, much to my fear, hurt or offended, which is never my intention. Case in point: I will forever remember the lovely, loving presence and gestures of Dolores Hensley, super volunteer and fixture of our running community, lost in body but not spirit nearly four years ago. Big smiles and kisses were her standard for every runner to cross the line, though much to my dismay, inconsistent sensory issues and meager social capacity all too often produced an involuntary reaction that was ornery and stiff, no matter my desire. But Dolores never desisted; she accepted my explanations, willingly and graciously including me in her welcoming, loving gestures. While I am grateful for all my good fortune, I must wonder how different my journey might have been had information been available when I was just a young girl. It is for this reason I have written my first book, Six-Word Lessons on Female Asperger Syndrome. Concise and to the point, I endeavor to teach anyone willing to learn what it means to be born on the autistic spectrum, little-known differences between males and females, coping strategies and more. Knowledge is a powerful gift, and it is my intention to raise as much awareness as possible to help those on the spectrum gain essential resources and avoid some of the pitfalls of my past.  Tracey Cohen, a lifelong competitive runner, freelance writer, and Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at the age of thirty-nine. Sharing her own struggles and discoveries, she aims to empower others to learn, accept and find peace in an ever complicated neurotypical world. She is the author or Six-Word Lessons on Female Asperger Syndrome and Six-Word Lessons on the Sport of Running.
 As our son Trevor reached about 18 months, we noticed he had stronger than normal reactions to certain happenings in his day. He got extremely upset at anything that interrupted the schedule that he had formed in his mind. He couldn't verbalize his feelings or thoughts at that age, so he would cry, scream and throw himself on the floor. Even when he became more verbal, at about 4, it was still difficult for him to explain what was wrong, and to control his emotions. He exhibited these behaviors in settings such as church and preschool, so on the way to church in the car we would coach him and have him repeat, "No yelling, no hitting, no falling down." We aren't sure how much that helped, but he remembered the words. At the time, he hadn't been diagnosed with anything other than speech delay, so we didn't know for sure what was causing these behaviors. We later learned these were early signs of autism. The difference from his older sister's behavior at the same age, was that he had different reasons for the tantrums, and less communication about those reasons. He got especially upset when something didn't happen the way he expected. It was so upsetting to him that he would throw himself on the ground even if it was something he loved, such as going to the zoo. The other big reason for his tantrums was being forced to switch quickly from one activity to another. Most kids that age love surprises, and distracting them from one thing with another is usually a good strategy to keep them happy. It was the opposite with Trevor. He had to have a lot of warning about any changes, and still was sometimes upset. He explains in his book, Six-Word Lessons on Growing Up Autistic, in the chapter, Sudden Changes are a Big Challenge, that he often had his whole day planned out, even as young as 4 or 5, so anything that changed or interrupted that was extremely upsetting. These reactions also sometimes led to occasional hitting, toy-grabbing, or other rude behaviors toward other children. Trevor's Dad, Lonnie Pacelli, created a one-minute video about the importance of keeping a schedule for people of all ages with autism spectrum disorders. Because of these extreme reactions, and the reasons for those reactions, combined with the speech and language delays discussed in a previous blog post, we were not surprised to receive the diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder when Trevor was in kindergarten.  Patty Pacelli is an editor, author, entrepreneur, wife and mother of two adult children, Briana and Trevor. She is the co-creator of the Six-Word Lessons Series along with her husband Lonnie. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons to Look Your Best and Six-Word Lessons for Autism Friendly Workplaces.
 I took my little grandson Keoni, to the park the other day. Pushing him on the swings reminded me of when we were kids and of course, it reminded me of taking my younger brother Bobby to the park when he was a toddler. I remember pushing him on the swings and teaching him to pump his legs. Then, I thought of the empty swings. Because of cancer and substandard care he won't be here to play with his eventual grandchildren at a park. I have heard people recently talking about grief and have seen articles about the various stages of grief. Some say five stages while others describe seven. Does defining it in terms of steps and stages really help anyone whose life has been shattered by the death of a loved one? I don't think so. Were these decided by people who had not actually been through it? It just feels as if certain people who are uncomfortable with grief---especially someone else's grief, want to intellectualize it, schedule the various emotion and put labels on them. By the time you are through the alleged stages you are supposed to be done. Then, everything can go back to normal for those who are uncomfortable with your grief. The problem is that there is no normal. You have to create a new normal without the person who is no longer in your physical world. By the way, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is the first person who came up with stages of grief, but she wasn't referring to grievers when she did. No, Elisabeth was working with the dying. Her stages were about dying patients. So, all you social work students who have not given Kubler-Ross her due (you know who you are) and those who decided to bastardize what her life's work was about, shame on you. Elisabeth worked to give dignity to the dying. She took a lot of crap for it. She got a little manic after her strokes but let's not forget how she revolutionized the way the sick and dying patients were treated---worldwide. Sorry, got side tracked. Back to my original rant, anyone who wants to get you back to "normal" to your pre-life crumbling devastation is doing it for him or herself, not you. Feel the pain. Flow with it. You can't stuff it or try to ignore it. Pain comes from the love you had for the person who is gone. If you didn't love him or her you wouldn't feel it. It's a good thing--it will lead to as much healing as you are capable. You will never forget that you have a hole in your heart. You will eventually get used to the hole and the pain. It doesn't go away. That, my friends, is your new normal. As my friend Martha used to say after a particularly rough grief workshop with half a smile and a shrug, "Grief. It is what it is." I keep seeing those empty swings. Makes me sad. But, then I remember Keoni's giggles. I am grateful. Be well, Shirley  Shirley Enebrad is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist with 25 years of experience. For her many years of work with pediatric cancer patients and those grieving the loss of a loved one, she received the Jefferson Award for Outstanding Public Service and the Angel of Hospice Award. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief and Six-Word Lessons for Surviving a Devastating Diagnosis.
 A news reporter has called you for an answer or comment on something relating to you personally, your business or your organization. Do you panic? Do you have a program, project or community concern to communicate? Speaking with the news media can be your most efficient and cost-effective way to reach an audience. Being a prepared and effective media spokesman is a tremendous professional asset. How do you achieve that? Do you really need to spend thousands of dollars on media training workshops or individual coaching? I don’t think so. I believe that there are 10 basic rules you must follow to successfully deal with the news media. Let’s discuss a few of the key principles. Many people fear dealing with the news media, but doing so may be essential to the success of your business or organization. You don’t need to be afraid of negative or challenging questions. With some basic knowledge you can respond effectively. The more you know about dealing with reporters, the less trepidation you’ll have about doing so. Preparation is one key to successfully conveying your position. There really are ways you can be prepared for that unexpected media call. If you’re selling a story, preparation is essential. You need to know the facts and have data or anecdotal information to back them up. With basic preparation, you can frequently anticipate questions before they are asked. Be articulate and concise in your responses to media questions. Remember that reporters are always looking for “sound bites”, short, snappy quotes which will draw attention to their story. The story is what it’s all about. Successful reporters get their stories in print or on the air. Conflict is often the basis of a story but there are ways to deal with it. And the more you can further a good story and in so doing help the reporter, the better your relationship with that reporter will be on an ongoing basis. Remember that honesty is essential in dealing with the news media. As today’s top stories illustrate, lies will almost always come to light. Caught lying, you destroy your credibility with reporters and that will likely hurt you in the future. If you continue to deny lying, you prolong the story and your situation in the media will quickly deteriorate You are not obliged to tell everything you know but lying about a specific question or allegation will always come back to bite you. And remember that telling half-truths or deliberately misleading a reporter is the same as lying. There are technical competencies which will improve your effectiveness in broadcast interviews. And there is a simple way to avoid having your interview edited in a way the puts your remarks out of your context. Being edited in a damaging way is often a concern for those dealing with television and radio. Broadcast interviews are where 30-second “sound bites” are frequently used and there are things you can do to keep them snappy and more useable without being taken out of context. Remember that using concise, snappy sound bites will always work to your advantage. Have you noticed we tend to see the same people—financial analysts, consultants, retired generals or former politicians--being asked for comments over and over again? This is not just because they have knowledge and experience in their field—there are thousands of people who have that. You see the same individuals repeatedly because they provide good sound bites. If you do the same, reporters will return to you for comments on your views or analysis of situations and issues. This enhances your reputation as an expert which helps your business, organization or cause. Effective communication with the news media is essential to the success of businesses and organizations. Controlling your message and avoiding blunders makes you a great asset to your organization. You need not fear media attention and you can make it work to your advantage if you know what to do. All it takes is basic knowledge and some practice.  Mary Waldmann's expertise as a speech writer and media expert spans over 30 years including among other roles Public Affairs Director for the US Department of Commerce during the Reagan Administration. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Winning with Today's Media and Six-Word Lessons for Compelling Speeches.
|
RSS Feed
