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 During August and September, many parents are seeing our kids off to college for the first time. You’re focusing on outfitting their dorm room, helping them pack, and making travel plans, but don’t forget to pause for one more very important task: anticipating and preparing for the emotional, social and academic challenges ahead. Even students with high grades, great scores and loads of extracurricular accomplishments may have trouble with the transition to college and they need your help to prepare. In the 2018 survey of 155,000 students on almost 200 campuses, the American College Health Association found that more than 85 percent of college students described “feeling overwhelmed” and half felt “things were hopeless.” And the figures are most likely highest among freshmen. What are the biggest challenges? 1. Fear of not being socially accepted or making new friends This is a major one. Being in a whole new social environment, many freshmen feel isolated, telling their parents, “I feel so lonely” or, “I hate my roommate and he hates me.” There is also the fear of rejection in fraternity or sorority recruitment activities. And when social life fails, so often does academic effort. 2. Fear of not making it academically. This can present an even greater challenge for students who excelled academically in high school but now find themselves in classes where all the students were academic stars in their high schools. I remember a freshman seminar on French revolutionary novels where I discovered that many of my peers came from prep schools and had already read the books—in French! I felt totally inadequate and remember calling my dad, saying, “I don’t belong here! I’m sure they thought they were accepting somebody else with my name.” He assured me that the admissions office hadn’t made a mistake and that I would do just fine, but I still had some real doubts my first few weeks. 3. Unrealistic expectations of themselves. Again, the academic stars of high school may assume they will always be at or near the top of the class. When expectations aren’t met, feelings of great disappointment, failure and self-blame can follow. The extreme is perfectionism, where a student can never measure up to his own standards. And parental pressure for success exacerbates problems. How to help The greatest danger from these challenges is that your student will keep feelings bottled up and not share them with anyone, particularly with a healthcare professional. The best preparation is to talk with your student about the challenges ahead and help them to plan how they will deal with them. If they are struggling, the first step is to acknowledge the difficulties and recognize that they may need help, whether from parents, dorm counselors, or campus health center professionals. But how can you know if your child is struggling and know when and how to offer encouragement or suggestions? College privacy rules make it difficult to find out how a student is doing, and dorm advisors and teachers are generally not allowed to call parents with concerns. Once they are eighteen, federal privacy laws prevent parents being contacted by or getting information from medical and mental health providers. However, students can grant permission for campus academic advisors and healthcare providers to communicate directly with parents so consider discussing this with your student. Colleges, faced with an epidemic of anxious or depressed students, are beginning to step up to the plate with increased counseling opportunities, mentoring, peer support groups and programs to teach healthy living. They are also trying to reduce the stigma of mental illness and making it a little easier for students to admit that they need help. The most important thing is to talk to your college student. Amid all the luggage and boxes, take time to sit down and help him or her anticipate and prepare for the social, emotional and academic challenges ahead. If your child has already left for college, introduce the subjects at the first opportunity. Provide ongoing open communication channels and emotional support. Don’t assume that they’re doing just fine—ask, but don’t probe. Remind them that even small failures are learning opportunities and can presage success. Set up regular phone or video calls. Student mailboxes are generally empty most of the time, so the occasional letter of encouragement—with or without a care package—can be the bright spot of your student’s day (enlist grandparents in this). With your love and encouragement, they can surmount all the challenges and make their college years happy and successful.  A graduate of Stanford University, Mary Waldmann and her husband Raymond raised three children who are now independent, well-adjusted and happy young adults. Before becoming a mother, she was a successful real estate broker, political consultant and public relations executive, and worked as a part-time communications consultant when her children were young. Mary is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Winning with Today's Media , Six-Word Lessons for Intentional Parenting, and Six-Word Lessons for Compelling Speeches.
Excerpted from Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster
As a young hot-shot information technology (IT) project manager I was convinced that I had it all together. I was bound and determined to show all those more senior to me how to deliver successful projects. It wasn’t until I messed up not one, not two, but three projects simultaneously that I grew up and recognized I wasn’t all that I thought I was. While that period in my professional career was particularly painful, it was also some of the best learnings I could have gone through. Since then I’ve had successes and failures, but the failures became less frequent because I learned to get comfortable with others providing a critical eye on my work and helping with the necessary precision questioning to keep me out of hot water. This is the genesis behind Six-Word Lessons to Avoid Project Disaster.
Following are 15 lessons focused on the project sponsor and the questions to ask to ensure active, focused, and engaged project sponsorship.
Want to know the ten most important attributes of a best-in-class project sponsor? Check out Be a Killer Sponsor.  As I read one news report after another about the college admissions scandal, I can’t help but ask myself where we went wrong. How did we reach the point where parents bribe and cheat to get their kids into the “good” colleges? When did the “where” become more important than “why”—why go to college-- and “what”—what you do in college? I think parents frequently place more importance on where their kids go to college than the kids do—or would if left to freely make a choice. It’s one thing to encourage your child to do her best, to aim high and dream big. But when did we start equating self-worth—both our own and our children’s-- with the name of the college(s) they’re accepted to? Many kids feel overwhelming pressure to get into a top-tier college, even when it may not really suit their needs, interests or learning style. And there are hundreds and hundreds of small colleges that provide excellent education experiences and may better suit your child than a “name” school. When choices are limited on the basis of prestige, it’s by-and-large, the fault of us parents. Too often, we parents have our own self-worth wrapped up in our kids’ achievement, thinking that if my child doesn’t get into an ivy league school, I must not have been a good enough parent. Your child is not you. His successes and failures are not yours to own. When we forget that, we can push too hard for success in superficial terms because, consciously or unconsciously, we think it reflects on us. Other parents may try to live out their own unfulfilled dreams, for instance, pushing a child to attend Harvard because they wish they could have. Or we expect our children to follow in our footsteps and attend our own alma mater, stressing family tradition more than what’s appropriate for the student. And of course, there are bragging rights. What parent of a high school senior hasn’t been to a spring cocktail party where conversation turns to college acceptances--“good” schools often elicit congratulations and nods of approval while equally good but less prestigious names are greeted with a tepid “That’s nice”. Let’s admit it: there can be a bit of snobbery going on in all this college admissions stuff. Most kids want to please their parents and parental projections can be insidious, especially at a time when our students are struggling to develop their own sense of identity. We have to remember that it’s going to be their college years, not ours. And if we want their college experience to be a good and successful one, we should encourage them to choose a school based on their interests, abilities, learning style and lifestyle, not purely on the prestige factor or where we want them to go. Far more important to students’ success than the college’s ranking on competitive lists is how involved a student is after arriving. According to a 2014 Gallup-Purdue study of more than 30,000 college graduates, engagement on campus is a greater predictor of future job satisfaction and happiness than the status of the school. Students who engage in campus life, build relationships with professors, mentors and friends, and get involved in projects and extra-curricular activities are the ones who will succeed—in college and in life. That’s more likely to happen when the school choice is based on your child’s preferences and needs, not acceptance rates and perceived status. I can’t help but wonder how the students feel who’ve just discovered their parents cheated to get them into college. They can no longer be proud of getting in even if they might have gotten in on their own merits. They’ve been deprived of the satisfaction that comes with achievement. When it comes to college applications, we should encourage, support, ask questions about preferences but remain in a consultant role. You can offer help with editing or proofreading essays, but don’t insist. Don’t nag about deadlines. And for heaven’s sake, don’t fill out the applications or write the essays yourself! High school seniors are young adults and the process (and results) should belong to them. Let them own it.  A graduate of Stanford University, Mary Waldmann and her husband Raymond raised three children who are now independent, well-adjusted and happy young adults. Before becoming a mother, she was a successful real estate broker, political consultant and public relations executive, and worked as a part-time communications consultant when her children were young. Mary is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Winning with Today's Media , Six-Word Lessons for Intentional Parenting, and Six-Word Lessons for Compelling Speeches.
 When your loved one crosses over the rainbow bridge it hurts. Holidays are rough for the first few years. I think birthdays are painful forever. You always have the compulsion to add another year of “what ifs?” and “if only (s).” My son’s birthday is coming up in a few days and even though he has been out of his physical body four times longer than he was with me, another birthday without him still causes my heart to ache. Cory’s cousin just crossed over the rainbow bridge three months ago. They were only a few weeks apart in age. I know Cory was there along with his uncle Terry to greet Travis with open arms. I thought of Travis on his birthday a few weeks ago. He was able to grow up and get married but he suffered from a painful disease for most of his life. That could not have been easy. He fought the good fight. My heart goes out to his family but especially to his mother. Age does not matter. He will always be her baby boy. When my brother’s birthday is approaching I start feeling sad. I miss him like crazy but my sadness is more for his grieving widow and his children. He should still be here with them. Then, that sadness turns into anger about the crappy medical treatment he received. A few days ago my friend’ Elle’s sweet mother Frances died. She had been to the hospital several times in the past week. Both times the hospital sent her home. The last time, she passed the very next day! That’s when Elle found out her mother had stage 3 kidney disease and stage 4 liver cancer. I am still stunned. Were they just being callous because of her age? Did they really miss those two BIG diagnoses? My grandson came home with a similar story about his friend’s grandfather getting blown off by the same hospital. His family was told not to bring him to the ER again, they would turn him away. Something terrible was said such as, “Get him a burger and let him die happy.” Really? Who says that to a frightened family? Does this hospital staff think that too many birthdays means people are expendable? (It sounds like a good news story. I may pass it along to a local journalist). Yes, birthdays are hard whether the person you cared about died years ago or recently or whether the person was nine or ninety. I don’t cry anymore but the longing and the missing are still part of my thoughts and inner well-being. So, just know that when the birthday of your loved one is approaching be ready for a shift. It is normal to feel extra sensitive and sadder than you have lately. When the day actually gets here, you will marvel at how well you did and then try to tuck away those feelings until the next one approaches. It might help to celebrate his or her birthday in some way. You can bake a cake, donate flowers in his or her name to your church if you have one, or drop off food to the local food bank, donate to a favorite charity, invite loved ones to write a favorite memory down and send to you, ask for photographs, buy a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store and gift it to a random person in the parking lot, or even just pay for the order of the car behind you in the Starbucks drive-thru.  Shirley Enebrad is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist with 25 years of experience. For her many years of work with pediatric cancer patients and those grieving the loss of a loved one, she received the Jefferson Award for Outstanding Public Service and the Angel of Hospice Award. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief and Six-Word Lessons for Surviving a Devastating Diagnosis.
 Many of us have had the experience of watching our child fail at something: a science fair project that gets a poor grade, a failed test, a major sports loss. While it’s painful to see our child fail, they are actually receiving a gift: the opportunity to learn from failure, to try again, and to learn resilience in the face of loss. As Jennifer King Lindley reports in her article, How to Raise a (Successful) Failure (March 2019 REAL SIMPLE), this failure-deprived generation is frequently saved from possible failure by parents who swoop in to bawl out coaches and wheedle teachers for better grades. Avoidance of failure can result even from the parents’ best intentions. She quotes Jessica Lahey, author of the book, The Gift of Failure as saying, “It’s painful to watch your child stumble. You want to show your love by making a problem instantly better.” Hence the so-called “helicopter parents” who swoop in to rescue a child from failure. But we need to take a longer view, helping our children to grow from life’s setbacks when the risks are small and we’re here to support them. Resilience—not letting setbacks destroy you, learning from them, trying again—is one of life’s necessary and important skills. We don’t rejoice in easy victories, such as the soccer trophy for participation. But the hard-fought victories, where we overcome failure by learning from it, trying again and working harder, are the ones that build our confidence and self-esteem. Parents who expect perfection, either explicitly or implicitly, or set too-high standards, can also discourage the risk-taking that leads to small failures from which children learn when they are young. My parents set very high standards and I believed—rightly or wrongly—that I had to be “the best” to gain their love. As a result, I avoided trying things at which I felt I couldn’t excel. Not being very athletic, I avoided sports completely until I learned to ski in my thirties. And I think I missed out on some things I would have enjoyed. While over the years I’ve learned that it’s fine to be “good enough,” I’m still very risk-averse. But, as Lindley says, “You don’t want to just throw your kid to the wolves. (‘Good luck with choosing a college! Bye!’)”. We need to encourage our kids to try new things, to challenge themselves and risk failures from which they can learn, but we also need to serve as consultants, offering advice—but, with older children, only when asked—and emotional support. See Part 2 to learn three ways to help your children learn from failure.  A graduate of Stanford University, Mary Waldmann and her husband Raymond raised three children who are now independent, well-adjusted and happy young adults. Before becoming a mother, she was a successful real estate broker, political consultant and public relations executive, and worked as a part-time communications consultant when her children were young. Mary is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Winning with Today's Media , Six-Word Lessons for Intentional Parenting, and Six-Word Lessons for Compelling Speeches.
 See Part 1 here. Beyond encouraging risk-taking, how do we help our kids learn and grow from the inevitable small failures along the way? Start by stepping back and letting the small failures happen. Let the little one lose to you at Old Maid. She might have a meltdown, but don’t lose your cool. Say “Honey, I know it feels bad to lose and you feel awful.” If she sees that you’re not upset and that you love and encourage her, she’ll see that failure isn’t the end of the world. Encourage your child to play sports, a great opportunity for learning from failure. But don’t be the parent who berates the coach or frequently races to field with left-behind soccer gear. That defeats the purpose. Above all, try to avoid seeing your child’s failures as a reflection on your parenting—that also leads to the urge to helicopter in to prevent your child from failing. But everyone fails at something sometime and failing when the consequences are still small teaches great life lessons about trying again, working harder and learning from the inevitable failures. Remember that your child isn’t you—you don’t need to own their shortcomings. Second, teach your child self-compassion. Screwing up hurts. The article How to Raise a (Successful) Failure by Jennifer King Lindley, (REAL SIMPLE Magazine, March 2019) quotes Rachel Simmons, author of the book Enough as She Is: How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy and Fulfilling Lives, who says, “We need to sit with them with those difficult emotions. Having parents take their feelings seriously is gold for kids—it is often what they most want. And they will learn that bad feelings aren’t going to destroy you.” Use active listening and validate their discomfort and unhappiness. Encourage them to practice self-compassion by saying, “If your best friend was feeling like this, what would you say to them right now?” Helping them through the emotional pain helps them feel capable of trying again. Third, emphasize the lessons. In the article, Kyla Haimovitz, a Ph.D psychology researcher at the University of Pennsylvania who has studied how parents react to kids’ failure, says, “Your reaction has a huge impact on your kids. Talk to them in a way that focuses on the process: ‘I’m sorry you are not happy with how things went. Could you try it in a different way? Could you talk to your teacher?’” What isn’t helpful is language that suggests their abilities are fixed: “That’s OK, honey, I wasn’t good at science either” or “Don’t worry, maybe sports just aren’t your thing. You’re really good at reading.” Don’t be afraid to share your own screw-ups. You may think being a good role model means you have to appear perfect, but it’s quite the opposite. Sharing your past mistakes lets your child see that mistakes are normal and so helps them to take their own failures in stride. Or talk about the struggles their heroes went through on their way to success. Finally, Lindley concludes, “It’s never too late to stop running interference for your child. If you catch yourself filling out the learner’s permit form for your teen driver, be direct and say, ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been treating you as the competent person you are. You can do it and I’m here for you if you need me.” And don’t berate yourself for interfering. We all make mistakes! Consider it just another learning experience and resolve to do better in the future.  A graduate of Stanford University, Mary Waldmann and her husband Raymond raised three children who are now independent, well-adjusted and happy young adults. Before becoming a mother, she was a successful real estate broker, political consultant and public relations executive, and worked as a part-time communications consultant when her children were young. Mary is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Winning with Today's Media , Six-Word Lessons for Intentional Parenting, and Six-Word Lessons for Compelling Speeches.
 “I provide a service and you pay for that service. For ease of budgeting (yours and mine) I accept equal monthly payments from September through June.” (From the policies and procedures listed on the Sally L. Palmer Music Studio website – www.sallypalmer.com ). Independent music instructors live like most of the rest of the world: paycheck to paycheck. Imagine going into your human resources office on payday and being told that you will have to wait a week. Too bad the mortgage payment won’t wait a week. Chapters 34 through 37 in my book Six-Word Lessons for Exceptional Music Lessons: 100 Lessons to Enhance the Parent, Student, Teacher Relationship address the issues of the private music instructor being paid. The last line of chapter 35 states: “With today’s technology, there are several ways to make sure that tuition is paid on time.” When the book was published in 2017 I honestly didn’t know how many options were available for parents to easily pay their kid’s music teacher, but I certainly do now! Because my book is full of bites of #snackablewisdom, there was no room to include the variety of electronic ways to pay. I was thinking about writing a blog post that described all the options and then, just like that, one of the piano teacher Facebook groups I belong to had a posted question: “Forms of virtual payment that you accept besides PayPal and Zelle?” How timely! The responses have been helpful to me and spurred me into action to learn what makes the electronic options different from each other. Let me share with you how the teachers responded. Read more.  Sally Palmer owns Sally L. Palmer Music Studio in Bellevue, Washington. She has over 40 years experience as a piano and vocal teacher and coach, and is an accomplished accompanist. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Exceptional Music Lessons.
 When a loved one dies, grief can be compounded by how others react and treat you. It is important to be careful about what you say. I have recently been talking at length with a newly widowed woman I know about the things people say to her. Some people try to be supportive and kind. More have the “open mouth and insert foot” disease. For example, all those folks who say, “I know how you feel.” Don’t. “You will meet someone else.” Not even a thought. “You are still young….” or “At least you didn’t have little kids.” The “at least” statements are particularly thoughtless. Anything you might want to say that starts with “at least” will only cause more pain. Stop yourself. We will call her Camille to protect her identity. It has been weeks since Camille’s husband died suddenly. She is amazed by which of her friends have been totally absent and by the ones who stepped up to offer support. That is painful enough but the ridiculous things people have said is more surprising. Camille ran into a co-worker who asked how she was doing. When she shared that her life was quite awful at the moment, the person replied, “still?” OMG I cannot believe how this person could think a few short weeks would be enough time for someone who just lost the love of her life to be recovered. Apparently this person has never lost a loved one or has never cared deeply enough to understand the level of insensitivity he just inflicted. Another colleague asked her how her “vacation” was going. Vacation? She hasn’t been able to go back to work yet. She had no idea that her co-worker equates her time off to grieve as a vacation. who would want to go back to an environment where people have no compassion or understanding of how to be supportive. It makes it that much harder. When my son died I was told that I could have more children. At least he was no longer suffering. Well, at least you had him for nine years. God never gives you more than you can handle. It’s a good thing you are so strong. And after three or four months an acquaintance who had four children of his own, was astonished that I was still sad that my little boy had died. Still? I am still bitter after all these years. to quote Forrest Gump, “Stupid is as stupid does.” If you are the victim of such hurtful non-helpful statements, please speak up. You will feel better and you might just teach the person a lesson so they don’t make the same monumentally awful mistake again. Speak up and let your friends and family know how their absence, lack of support or unhelpful statements make you feel. Your grief, your feelings, means you have the right to be heard.  Shirley Enebrad is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist with 25 years of experience. For her many years of work with pediatric cancer patients and those grieving the loss of a loved one, she received the Jefferson Award for Outstanding Public Service and the Angel of Hospice Award. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons on Coping with Grief and Six-Word Lessons for Surviving a Devastating Diagnosis.
 “If I don’t practice the way I should, I won’t play the way that I know I can.” ~ Ivan Lendl, professional tennis player and coach. When I wrote my book, Six-Word Lessons for Exceptional Music Lessons – 100 lessons to Enhance the Parent, Student and Teacher Relationship, I found myself wanting to write so many tips on good practice. In fact, I ended up with two full chapters, twenty-two lessons, just on practice tips! It seems like a no-brainer that good practice would lead to progress, but I think we are just not always sure what “good practice” looks like. I’ve been using some of the same techniques that I have been using for years, somewhat successfully. My last blog post on “repetitive practice” made a huge impact on the progress made by my students when I instituted it on a more consistent basis several years ago. But it began to feel like, to me, that it was suddenly not working as well as I wanted it to work. Being a student of psychology, I am always interested in human behavior and why some things work and some things don’t. Research on learning and memory is fascinating and fluid. As I read different definitions of techniques for learning, I realized that, as an independent music teacher, I was practicing some of these techniques but didn’t know they had special names! So, with the concept of repetitive practice from the previous blog tucked under our belts, let’s move on to how we can define “good practice” even further. Remember when you were in high school and/or college and spent some sleepless nights cramming for an exam? In the short term, it worked! We got a good grade. But it didn’t last. I sure can’t tell you much about algebra, but I do know I passed the class. The crammed information for an exam quite literally leaves the working memory to leave room for more. I only invested in passing the test; I did not invest in learning. (Don’t calculators do all that work for me anyway?) When it comes to learning a piece of music and, at some point, having it memorized, we cannot cram. We can put our efforts into repetitive practice, but if we do all of that repetitive practice the days before adjudications we may do well on adjudication day and then simply forget the piece. You know what I’m talking about. You take a difficult passage of music, practice it over and over and over until you have it “perfect,” but then the next day your progress is gone. “I played it better at home” is a great example of this. Your student probably did play it better at home, three times in a row like you asked, but that was two days ago, and practiced passively at that. Let’s look into this a little deeper because there is a better way. Spaced Repetition Practice Spaced repetition is a "learning technique that incorporates increasing intervals of time between subsequent review of previously learned material in order to exploit the psychological spacing effect." (Wikipedia) In layman’s language for a music student – spacing thoughtful, repetitive practice. One of the oldest and most secure findings on learning and memory is that if you want to remember something, you should use spaced repetition. So how does it work? First we need to address the difference between working memory and long-term memory. Working memory is a cognitive memory buffer with a limited capacity that is responsible for the transient holding, processing, and manipulation of information. (Wikipedia) Again, in laymen’s terms, it’s the memory function where things are in a holding pattern, waiting to be told where to go, what to do. Most people can only hold about seven items in working memory. (Miller, George A. The Magic Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two: Some Limits on our Capacity for Processing Information.) Researchers in the field of teaching and learning have found that to take something you’ve learned and make it into long-term memory, you need to practice recalling that thing from long-term memory. So how do we get our practice out of working memory and into long-term memory? Spaced repetition. “In a spaced repetition approach, your goal is to review material just before you would forget it, so you’re practicing the skill of long-term recall the best you can.” (pianopracticeassistant.com/spaced-repetition) Not a lot of research has been done for the learning and retaining of music, but the general concepts can be used by musicians aspiring to better performances. Interleaved Practice Another term, closely related to spaced repetition, is interleaved practice. I’ve been doing this with my students for quite some time, but I didn’t know it had a fancy name! It’s basically spaced repetition with the twist of randomizing the passages you are working on. Putting different passages to recall in between the repeated passage you’ve been working on, you are forcing the relevant knowledge out of the working memory. Remember, the working memory can only hold so much, so something will get bumped. What you want to get bumped is the passage you’ve spaced in repetitive practice. You want it to go into long-term memory. By forcing yourself to recall things at random, you build stronger connections. Here's an example from a classroom setting:  Deliberate Practice One more definition and we’ll move on. Deliberate practice actively and continuously is the practice of reflecting on and correcting one’s performance. Effective practice requires mindful engagement and conscious self-observation. This is how I’ve been saying it to students for many, many years: “I’m not at your house when you practice so you need to be your own teacher.” This is why having a piano teacher instead of being self-taught is so helpful. Teachers engage fully in the task of listening. We hear the mistakes and we stop and talk about how to correct the mistakes. We are not just teaching notes, fingering, counts, and dynamics. We, by our example, are showing students how to engage more in their practice time. The opposite of deliberate practice is the example I used in the previous blog (Repetition is the Mother of All Learning) where my student played through a piece and moved on to the next assignment. The opposite of deliberate practice can also be the “effortless enjoyment,” or slipping into the “flow state.” This is often where we continue practicing the same mistakes over and over until we have perfected them! It’s tricky though. Effortless enjoyment is important for keeping up motivation and preventing burnout (mine and the student’s), but it’s like a state of diffused attention. From Dr. Cal Newport’s blog entry Flow is the Opiate of the Mediocre: Avoid Flow. Do What Does Not Come Easy. “The mistake most weak pianists make is playing, not practicing. If you walk into a music hall at a local university, you’ll hear people ‘playing’ by running through their pieces. This is a huge mistake. Strong pianists drill the most difficult parts of their music, rarely, if ever playing through their pieces in entirety.” (http://calnewport.com/blog/2011/12/23/flow-is-the-opiate-of-the-medicore-advice-on-getting-better-from-an-accomplished-piano-player/) Research tells us nearly unanimously that it’s the amount of quality (deliberate) practice, not natural born talent and skills or the number of hours mindlessly practicing, that matters most in developing expertise. All of this – spaced repetition, interleaved practice, and deliberate practice – takes effort on the part of the teacher as well as the student. It takes the setting of goals, analyzing the music to be able to break it down into workable passages, and setting a schedule. Goal-directed practice and targeted, timely feedback is a must.
Now, let’s see if we can look at an example in a real-life situation. I have a student, we’ll call her Christy, who is preparing for a future adjudicated opportunity. She will be performing two selections in the piano solo event and one piano concerto. She will also be taking a theory test.  Mozart's Concerto in B-flat major, 1st movement (first two pages)
The first thing Christy and I will do (after she freaks out over the amount of work this looks like it’s going to take to learn and memorize!) is to divide each piece into small sections that she can work on. We will make them small enough so that she can see some progress in a minute or two of practice time. I would not expect her to learn all of these pieces starting at the same time, but I would definitely begin with the hardest one first. So, let’s take a look at the concerto. I would likely assign her the first four measures, hands separate to learn (especially that bass pattern), and then put the hands together, slowly at first. This might be what would appear in her assignment notebook with the way I do things currently: Mozart concerto – learn and practice m. 1 – 4 (leaving out the last 1.5 beats of m. 4) Practice hands separate – RH 2x/day, LH 3x/day - slow to start to catch problem areas Put hands together and build up speed. As teachers, we have to remember to tailor the goals and assignments for each individual student. Their learning capabilities are unique. This is just what I would do for Christy. To that assignment I might also have Christy start on one of her piano solo pieces. I usually go for a piece that is completely different from the other one she is working on, so let’s figure out an assignment for Journey in the Night. Journey in the Night – learn and practice the first 8 measures of the first page, LH only. Work out the fingerings in those runs; write them in if necessary. Make sure you count as you are practicing. Do this LH practice 3x/day, carefully. Try playing it as fast as you can after it’s learned. Play it on different octaves of the keyboard. To this piano practice assignment, I might add one thing to work on in preparation for the theory test. I expect Christy to practice for 45-minutes a day, but sometimes that is just not possible for her. She is in high school and is involved in school leadership and on the tennis team. She has a tendency to either not practice when her schedule is full, or more than likely, she will practice the day before her lesson and usually only practice one assignment. The two sections within the two pieces are probably enough for her already overloaded working memory. The direction I would give her using the concepts of spaced repetition and interleaving would be as follows. Remember, breaking up your practice in this way has the additional benefit of keeping focused attention on goal-directed skill building. Day 1: Practice m.1-4 of the concerto. Start practice hands separately to think about what you are practicing. Practice LH 3x; practice RH 2x. How is it counted? What are the dynamics? Practice hands together 5x. Where are the problem areas? Practice those areas 5x more. Day 2: Practice the first 8 measures of Journey in the Night, LH only. Figure out your fingerings & counts. Practice this 5x slowly. Day 3: Practice the concerto passage with the metronome for steady beat, 5x LH practice of Journey in the Night, 2x/very fast; 2x/very soft Day 4: Christy won’t practice this day because she is at school until 8:00 pm and then will have homework to do. Day 5: Practice any section of Journey in the Night that you want to. Practice it 3x Practice LH Journey, 3x Practice concerto passage with correct tempo and dynamics. 5x Day 6: Practice the last 4 measures of the concerto. Go through it 3x Practice the original concerto passage, w/metronome, checking yourself. 3x Practice LH Journey, first 8 measures, up to tempo, 5x Day 7: No practice as Christy will come right to lessons from school. If I understand the definitions of spaced repetition, interleaving, and deliberate practice, I think I covered it all in this sample practice assignment. Ultimately, wouldn’t it be great if students would just be smart enough to do this on their own? Some of my past students who have gone on to do wonderful things with their piano performances have done this on their own. But let’s face it, most of our students really do need our guidance. We also know that the above example of an assignment for a week might not happen once the student leaves the studio. We can only do what we can do, and that’s to do our job to the best of our ability. ** After I first wrote this blog post and before I posted it, I tried an abbreviated format of this technique for practice with one of my 4th grade students, on just one of his pieces. I asked him about it at his next lesson and he said he felt like he had an easier time and an easier time remembering what he had practiced from the day before! I don’t break my student’s practice assignment down day by day, but I think I’m going to try it for the students that have real anxiety about learning a piece and getting it memorized. I probably wouldn’t break things down day-by-day for beginner students, but I would certainly still use the repetitive and interleaving techniques and lots of variety. This won’t be easy to establish unless a teacher is already doing something akin to this kind of practice process. We have to remember that piano is more complicated than memorizing historical dates or how to divide fractions. After all, if you can only hold seven things in working memory, which seven do you choose? Individual notes, chords, phrases, dynamics, fingerings, etc.? Acquiring the skill of playing the piano is complex, but all this complexity means we have to be even more deliberate in applying these processes. Teachers do their work, students do their work, and the brain does its work. You’ll never know if it works for you or your students unless you try it!  Sally Palmer owns Sally L. Palmer Music Studio in Bellevue, Washington. She has over 40 years experience as a piano and vocal teacher and coach, and is an accomplished accompanist. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Exceptional Music Lessons.
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