 You may think you can multitask and listen exquisitely. You can’t. The two are incompatible, and when conflict arises, the lack of attention and listening, coupled with high emotion, can easily derail any attempts at resolution. We advocate not just listening in conflict situations, and not even just listening well. We advocate Mindful Listening as the most effective skill for conflict resolution. Mindful listening requires being highly attuned to both our own emotions and the emotions of others. When we listen mindfully we observe our own emotional state with curiosity. We keep self-talk and judgment at bay. In communicating with others, we listen with as clear a head as possible. We pay exquisite attention in order to really hear what is going on with the other person-in words, tone, emotions and body language. Try these steps the next time you are faced with communicating with someone you don’t see eye to eye with:
 Judith Sugg, Ph.D. is the co-director of AIM for Organizational Health in Portland, Oregon, where she combines her skills in psychology, mindfulness practices and business as a facilitator and coach. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Fearless Presenting and Six-Word Lessons for Transforming Conflict with Mindfulness.  Alisa Blum, MSW, Principal Consultant at Alisa Blum & Associates, specializes in enhancing management and employee performance. She is the co-director of AIM for Organizational Health. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Transforming Conflict with Mindfulness.
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 How much time do you think a typical manager spends dealing with workplace conflicts? Would it surprise you to learn that managers typically spend 25-45% of their time dealing with workplace conflicts? Consider the consequences of unresolved conflict such as distraction from the work that needs to get done, employee turnover and harassment allegations. What are the potential business costs? Our responses to conflict are hardwired into our brain. Some of us automatically engage (and may get verbally or physically aggressive when provoked) while others automatically withdraw. Healthier engagement in conflict requires that we choose, rather than react. The seeds for developing a choice are found in self-awareness and mindfulness, both of which ameliorate our brain’s natural alarm response and provide that moment of re-evaluation. So what is the opposite of destructive conflict? Perhaps it is curiosity and creativity — both products of focusing attention, opening our minds, and staying in the present. The powerful benefit of this shift is a real and true engagement, a real if uncomfortable connection, between two humans. In this engagement, the shift to problem-solving an issue, rather than judging a person is easier. Resolution uses reason and skill, and one can learn and become better at the engagement. The only way to become better at destructive conflict is to have a bigger bomb. Fortunately, with practice and increased skill, we can all learn to resolve conflicts at work. Imagine how the workplace would change if managers are spending less time dealing with workplace conflicts and more time helping employees become more productive, enhancing innovation and creating a positive atmosphere.  Judith Sugg, Ph.D. is the co-director of AIM for Organizational Health in Portland, Oregon, where she combines her skills in psychology, mindfulness practices and business as a facilitator and coach. She is the author of Six-Word Lessons for Fearless Presenting and Six-Word Lessons for Transforming Conflict with Mindfulness.
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